Zayn Imagine

#Imagine You're looking at a picture of you and Zayn, your boyfriend. Without any feelings you let go of the picture which slowly falls on the floor, not like a feather but not like rock either. You are deeply in your thoughts. Actually you have no idea what you're thinking. You just sit there, with an empty look in your eyes. They are glazed, your eyes are glazed. You don't feel anything. This happens for the first time in years. Something isn't right. You are tired and very fed up with this situation; Zayn is touring somewhere behind god's back [don't take seriously] and you're at home, alone, without anyone to take care of you, without anyone to talk to. Of course there's your friends and family & Danielle and Eleanor, but the only one you want to be taking care of you and to talk to is Zayn. He's been away for so long. You can't even remember how long, or when he's coming back. Zayn has been very busy for past three days so he hasn't even called you, but you understand. You want to hear his voice, you want to hug him, kiss him longer than ever. You want him to be home. As minutes and hours goes by you start wondering what he's doing. You wanna call him but you know he wouldn't answer. He will call you when he gets time... After 2 hours you've fallen asleep on the couch.

You wake up at about 11am because your back is aching so much. You grab your phone and notice someone has texted you. The text message is from Zayn, it says: "Morning babe, I love you. I'm sorry for not calling you in days, been very busy! I hope you can forgive me, coming home today xx Z." You smile a little, your boyfriend is coming finally home. You stop smiling quickly. Getting the text doesn't feel as good as it's supposed to. There's still something in your mind from yesterday. You can still say everything's not alright, something's missing, or not. You start to feel like you can't handle this relationship anymore. You try to find a reason for what you are feeling. It could be all of the media attention and fans, but then, you love the boys' fans, directioners. Of course it's not nice to have paparazzi around you when you're trying to have fun with Zayn and girls are stalking you everytime you go out but you've got used to it. Kinda..Almost..Ok not exactly. It annoys you especially when you try to hang out with your friends. All you want is a little privacy, but you understand well. Zayn is famous and as his girlfriend you are famous too, this is kinda the price you have to pay for being with him. That should be enough, but no. You are getting hate from some of the fans. Some of the haters sends you death threats, some of them are trying to edit pictures of Zayn to look like he's cheating on you. You decide to take a look at twitter to find out what's going on. You scroll down your timeline and see a tweet from Zayn telling he's coming home to see his beautiful girlfriend. Then you see some girls tweeting Zayn that you are not enough for him but you don't classify it as hate. You open your mentions and what do you see? People hating on you more than before. One of the tweets goes like this: "You flacking whore, don't you know what pretty means? Of course not hahaha you ugly cow." The next one is: ")': I feel bad for Zayn because he really trust a slut. Have an idea who I'm talking about, slut?" You're starting to feel sick because all of these tweets. Then one jumps to your face: "Y/N. I want to strangle you by my own, bare hands. I want to bury you alive. Can't you see? Everyone hates you! Die." That's enough. You close your twitter and walk into your kitchen to get something to eat, your eyes are wet and you're close to tears. "I need to be tough for today, then I can end this" You say to yourself and swallow your tears. As the day goes by you find yourself thinking deeply so many times that you can't even count them anymore. The clock is coming closer to 8pm and Zayn will be home soon. Before he comes you want to make some hot chocolate and think a bit more before you act. You think about when you're going to do it; right after Zayn has come home or a bit later or do you leave it for tomorrow? No, you gotta do it tonight, you can't wait longer because you really can't handle this all. While you're thinking Zayn comes home. "Babe I'm home!" He shouts and sees you sitting in kitchen. You've been living at Zayn's for the time he's been away. Before you can even think what he said you're in his arms, hugging him tighter than ever or actually he's hugging you. He kisses your head and smiles like an angel. Zayn takes some hot chocolate too and sits down. "How's my baby?" He asks and still smiles like never before. "Ok.." You say and stare at the table. Zayn notices everything isn't right. "Hey.. What's going on?" He continues your little convo while trying to catch your eyes...

You haven't said anything for 5 minutes already. Zayn's just staring at you and you still at the table. How can you ever say what you are going to say? He will be so hurt. "Zayn..." You say weakly. He takes your hands and tries to look you in the eyes again."I can't do this anymore.." You continue "I feel like I can't handle this relationship anymore, this is too much ok? I have no privacy, we have no privacy! Everyone hates me and wants me to die. And then, you're away so many times in a month, I just miss you all the time, especially when you can't call me. It's killing me.. This is killing me.." Zayn is almost crying and you just started. He can't believe his ears. "Y/N... You don't love me anymore? Or is it just about fans and paparazzi and that I'm away? Please tell me you still love me, even if you have to lie! I can't live if the only one who I believe in says she doesn't love me anymore.." Now he cries and you feel worse than ever but you've decided to be tough, you can't give up. "I love you.. But I just can't do this any longer! It would be a different thing if I wouldn't get any hate! Or at least not death threats, but right now it's just impossible to be in this relationship. I really hope you understand what I'm saying.. Goodbye Zayn, I love you" You stand up and start walking towards the door. One tear finds a way out to your cheek but you wipe it away quickly. Zayn's body is numb. He doesn't move or say anything. You pick your only bag you have with you and touch the doorhandle. So many thoughts are in your head. By seeing Zayn's reaction you don't know anymore if you should stay or just go. You have no idea what's on Zayn's mind. "Baby please stay.." He whispers after a while. This is not what you wanted to happen, not at all. You can't leave, you don't want to leave, but if this relationship will be like this you can't stay either. "Please Y/N take one more breath and really think are you going to the right direction.. It's ok if you really want to go.. But please, think one more time because I think there's nowhere else we should be tonight.. We belong together" Zayn says and wipes his tears. You drop your bag and walk to him: "I'm not promising not to leaving, but let's talk a little.." He takes your hand and leads you to the couch and you both sit down. He takes his wallet from his pocket, opens it and shows you a picture.. The same picture you were watching yesterday.. "Look at us.. We look so young even though it's been ONLY two years.. " You smile and give him a little laugh. "I really missed that laugh" He smiles back at you but then get's serious and starts talking again. "Look Y/N, if you go now, I promise I'll understand. If you stay I already have a plan.." "A plan.. Zayn what are you talking about?" You look at him with questionable eyes. "We'd go out.. Only us two. I really wanna make everything up to you. Just you and me for the whole day, no fans no paparazzi... -" "But how?" You cut him off. "Honey, there's still 4 other members in One Direction, boys will help me!" Zayn laughs and continues "So yeah, we'd go to a fancy restaurant and then spend the rest of the day at a private beach. I would really like to have another day like we once had.. Us two at beach, singing, writing songs.. Just making new memories to share with our future children!" Thought of you two as parents makes you smile like an idiot. "We can get through this, I will make the hate and death threats stop and I promise to spend more time with you.. I mean, if you stay..." Zayn ends his little speech. You look at him and your eyes are sparkling. For the first time in a long time you feel good, really good actually. "Well? I still can't read your mind Y/N" He laughs. "Oh Zayn" You whisper and shoot him down to the couch. You sit on his stomach and kiss his lips for minutes. "I love you Y/N, don't you ever scare me like this again" He says and kisses your nose. "I won't, I love you too Zayn, I really do" You say and press yourself close against Zayn's chest, happier than ever.

Feedback is very welcome xx I'm sorry if there's any typos, English isn't still my main language xx

Zayn Imagine

#Imagine You're eating breakfast with Zayn. You are really depressed all the time and you've been hurting yourself too but you don't want to tell him because you're afraid of his reaction. You're sitting there with only wearing a hoodie which hides your arms & wrists. "It's weird to ask how are you because we spent last night together -as always-, but how are you?" He says. You giggle a little. "I'm just fine" You say while smiling, but you are looking sadly down. Sometimes it's just hard to smile for him and even to try to look him in the eyes. Especially when he's so happy and you are depressed. That's what you get when you try to hide your feelings as well as you can. "Are you sure?" He asks suddenly. You freeze. The smile you faked a minute ago disappears. You try to get it back. "Yeah, I'm just a bit tired, but still fine" You say nervously. He knows you too well. You know you can't lie for him no longer, you got to tell him what's going on somehow, but that's the problem, you don't know how. You reach for something on the table and then it happens. He sees your cutted wrists as your hoodies sleeve goes too much upwards. Tears are flowing down your face and in one second he takes you in his arms.

You don't know what to think, should you just run away and leave him clueless? So many different thoughts are running in your head. You think that now he's going to leave you and you start to cry more. "Baby..." He's voice cracks and you hear him sobbing. You look up, his in tears too. Of course now you're feeling even more bad because first he saw your wrists, then you started to think he's gonna leave you, and now he's crying because of you. "Zayn I.. I don't know what to say.." You whisper. "Maybe you could first explain why you've done that to yourself, I thought you could tell everything to me, but I quess I was wrong.." He says sounding disappointed, hurt, scared and a bit angry you think, but somehow you hear that he's worried about you too. "I'm just so depressed all the time! Everything I do is not going right. Everything around me is falling on my shoulders. I couldn't take this anymore. so I.. I.. I cutted myself.. I'm, I'm so sorry Zayn, I really am! I was afraid of your reaction of this whole depression thing, I though you'd leave me, and now you're angry and you still can leave me. I wanted to talk to you but I would've depressed you too" You say and you start to cry again. "Can I see your hands..?" He asks. You raise your hoodie's sleeves and show him your arms and wrists. They are full of cuts. He touches the cuts. One by one. You have no idea what he's doing or thinking. You're about to run away crying but Zayn hugs you tight and kisses your head. His eyes are in tears. "Baby you can talk to me about everything. Do you understand, everything. You know that we can get through everything together. When you're hurt, I'm hurt too. It drives me crazy to see what you've done to yourself, but I'm not angry, and totally not about to leave you. Just talk to me, and things gets better, I promise" He says and you hug him. He lifts your chin up, looks directly to your eyes and kisses you slowly. You can feel a tear falling from his cheek to yours. After a slow romantic kiss he hugs you again. "Don't worry baby, everything's gonna be alright. We are in this together" He says and you smile.

You spend the all day just talking to each other about everything or mostly about your depression and thoughts. After all it wasn't that bad. Zayn is the person who you want to spend forever with. He understands you and loves you for who you are. With him you can be just yourself. Sometimes you don't even realise how lucky you really are to have him. When the night comes and you two go to bed he says: "Y/N, I need you to promise me that you will never ever cut yourself again. If you feel bad, you know that I'm here only for you. I hope you know that it really hurts me to see you like you were this morning. I don't want to feel that pain ever again. So please realise that you can always talk to me about evrything. I know I've said it a million times today, but you need to know that. And also that I can't live without you, so don't hurt yourself. We can always find the solution to everything when we are together". You smile widely, and this time your smile is real. You couldn't be more happy. "I promise" You whisper and kiss him gently. You move your head to his chest. He starts to sing Moments to you and you slowly fall asleep with a huge smile on your face. "I love you beautiful, don't you forget that" He whispers before falling asleep too<3

I'd be glad to get some feedback xx Don't judge me if there's something wrong, English isn't my main language (: